The Power Of Love

Well, after waking up in the evening (see last post), I went to church. I think the fact that I was still tired was probably important, given what happened later. The service was pretty normal, except Hellie was speaking, which is pretty rare-she's not actually around much at the moment. She spoke on prayer, and on the importance of not only keeping on, but pushing in with prayer, about actually caring about whatever you are praying about. It was a great talk, and I recommend it (you can listen here if you want).
I went up for prayer afterwards, because I felt that I didn't really care. Note, not that I cared quite a bit, but wanted to care more; but that I cared hardly at all. Now, a week later, I think that wasn't exactly inaccurate, but it wasn't as bad as (ironically) I felt at the time-I think it was partly the tiredness that made me feel like that so much. But, I also feel that it was something God wanted me to bring to him at that time. Anyway, I got prayer, and the guy who prayed for me said 2 things (that I remember). One was that God had oceans more love to pour over me; and the other was that He wanted me to focus on resting and receiving His love when I prayed. And as we had a week of prayer coming up this week, I felt that the timing couldn't have been better (funny that). And what God said to me (that I remember) was that He loves my sense of humour- not something I could ever imagine He would say, so I'm pretty sure it was Him.

So, Monday, the start of the week was my day off. Not usual, but a very good way to start a week of resting in prayer. After breakfast, I decided to pray and just wait and listen to God; which is a great way to start any day you can. I did feel very relaxed by the time I went to town to do a few things, like go to the library. I was considering visiting my sister, but felt that wasn't the best thing to do then-and on the way home, someone asked me for money for the bus, and I gave him my weekly bus ticket instead. When I came home, just before 7, I thought about going to the prayer meeting, but didn't make it out of the house. Instead, I prayed at home again. This time, God said that He loved my mind. Not that I was intelligent, so much as the way I look at things was something He likes. And the other thing I remember was reading a bit from a novel that brought tears to my eyes-making it clear that I can and do care.

Tuesday was work as normal, apart from it not being normal for me to work on a Tuesday. Nothing out of the ordinary there, and this time, I did manage to get to the evening prayer meeting. Which was completely different to what I expected, in a way. I was kind of expecting/hoping that it would be more or less us individually meeting with God; but it was much more directed than that. We split into small groups, and I got together with my small group leader to pray. We were praying first about people we could speak to about God, and the people on my mind (strangely?) were some of the bar staff from the pub next door, most of whom are pretty new. I've been getting to know a couple of them a bit recently, and I was praying into that, and that people from church generally build up relationships with them. We prayed about some other things; but that is the thing that has stayed with me. When I got home, I read a bit of the Bible, and I read the bit where Jesus asks his disciples who they think He is; and Peter says He is the Son of God. At that point, He reminded me that He has said before that I am His son; He loves me because I am His son, and I am His son because He loves me.

Well, Wednesday was a bit different again. Working in Gloucester again, but actually fairly relaxed. Not starting so early and finishing a bit earlier too. And I managed to get to the meeting again, choosing to go there instead of my small group. This evening was completely different, not least because there were far more people there-it was pretty much packed.I guess most of the clusters/small groups were there; or at least the ones that met on Wednesdays. It was also quite different in content and feeling, at least for me. It was all about praising and spending time focusing on God. At the end, I chatted to quite a few people; and God pointed out very quietly that I do care about people and relationships, and that is another thing He loves about me. One of the people I spoke to asked me what I thought of her latest blog post, which I really quite like. I think it is beautiful and poetic in nature, and quite thought provoking-read it here. Go on, do it.

On Thursday, I didn't go to the prayer meeting. I was feeling tired after working in Gloucester again, and when God asked me what I really wanted to do, I figured I actually wanted to stay at home and relax. Sometimes, I think, He doesn't actually mind so much what we do, as long as we actually make a decision, and don't just drift. So I relaxed at home- I did write my last post, but apart from that, I just relaxed and prayed. The main thing He said then was to remind me that there are things I care about, as well as people; and that is just as important.

Friday, I was back in Cheltenham, working a normal shift. Which was nice. Almost like having a lie-in. It was quite quiet during the day as well, which isn't as good. But, anyway, what it meant was that when I got to the prayer meeting in the evening, I was really awake and up for it. It was a really good time, although I can't actually remember most of it, or tell you what went on for most people, as I was on the floor, relaxing with God. I can't say I had much choice in the matter (well, alright, none); but it was definitely a great way to end the week of prayer. While I was laying there, Tim spoke about Ezekiel 47 and I meditated on that for a while. I remember reading that what happens there is totally not natural-a stream/river with only one source cannot grow any deeper. So whatever is happening here is God doing something only He can do. And how He is doing it, I have no idea. Then I thought about what that means for any attributes of God. Whatever is represented by this-God's presence, His power, His love- He is making it clear that it cannot be measured; the more of it you see, the more there is to see. In a way, a tiny bit like looking this. Just a tiny bit. So, focus on this picture for a bit, and just think-whatever you think you know of God, He is much, much, more than that.

 The weekend was a little different, because the week of prayer had finished. Saturday was pretty quiet at work, which was incredibly frustrating; and what I became aware of was that God was there, always. When things are good, He is there; when things are great, He is there, and when things aren't so good, He is still there. Whatever happens, whenever, and wherever, He is there. Sunday was different again, because it was a day off, and very relaxing overall; but actually felt very productive. For one thing, I didn't go to church in the morning, but prayed at home; and was praying about Trinity Arts, which was very encouraging. And another thing, I wrote a poem. Which was also encouraging, as I haven't been writing that many for the last couple of years. I've wanted to, I just haven't managed it. And then I went to church in the evening, which was quite something; it was pretty crowded as there was a lot of celebrating going on. The theme of the music seemed to be 'love'-pretty much all the songs were about love or grace; so, you know, it was kind of like it was planned just for me. That's sort of how I felt, anyway. I saw some friends I hadn't seen for weeks, and met some new people; and God spoke through me to some of them. All in all, a great evening for me; I loved it. Exactly what He had in mind, I imagine.

Looking back over the week, I think that where I was at the beginning of the week was exactly where God wanted me to be; and where I was at the end of the week was a lot closer to where He wants me to be. I also think that I was wrong in thinking that I don't care enough; it's just that I care differently from some people. A lot of people I know seem to be passionate about something; but what I hadn't noticed so much is that they are only passionate about one or two things. Which makes sense; because it would be impossible to cope if you tried to be passionate about everything. But that doesn't mean they don't care about other things; and I do care about things. 
One of the things I care about is human trafficking being ended. Which is why I have joined my local Act for Justice group; which is a local group supporting the work of the charity Hope for Justice.